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The Surprising Truth About Stress

March 1, 2014 By Jennie Marlow Leave a Comment

Wants-vs-Needs“I know it’s a big, DUH!” a good friend once said. “There is almost no stress when I am perceiving my own needs clearly and in balance with the needs of others.” It was so well-put, I feel compelled to share it, along with a little commentary on why this is vital to living well during big challenges.

It always amazes me how hard it can be to anchor our attention in the now-moment, even when things are going well. When things go awry, it can seem nothing short of monumental to perceive what is real, without the distortions of past interfering and causing us to go into our stuff. When we’re stressed out, it is such a powerful temptation to feel that others’ problems, wants and desires are more important than meeting our own needs, or conversely, that our own wants and desires matter most. It’s also very confusing sometimes to distinguish between needing to take good care of ourselves and just wanting what we want when we want it.

The truth is, the only basis we have to perceive things in an authentic way is to bring our attention back to the now-moment. When the now-moment contains things we wish weren’t there, our resistance tends to rob us of the clarity and presence to face whatever challenge is before us, and to understand what it means to simply “put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others” without self-absorption or undue sacrifice.

Our issues and conditioning certainly rise up when we resist the present moment. And we can surely choose to be stressed and freaked out. However, if we are to take dominion over our lives, a confrontation with our distortions is inevitable.

Seeing our pattern of distortion is fundamental because without owning our patterns, we will be unable to free ourselves to perceive things in an undistorted way, to behave in a manner consistent with basic self-care and consideration for others, and to choose what we would choose if our thinking were not distorted by fear that we can’t be happy unless life is exactly the way we think we want it.

It’s a tall order, but then again, being a human is not spiritual kindergarten. It’s more like a PhD program in how to live your authentic life, in spite of the material plane’s uncertainties and discrepancies with the mind’s expectations.

Filed Under: Life, Service to Others Tagged With: Authenticity, Present moment, Self-sacrifice

Alone for the Holidays?

December 21, 2013 By Jennie Marlow Leave a Comment

gingerbread manSpending the holidays alone has great potential to conjure up a lot of sadness, in spite of or even because of the cultural expectation that we’re all supposed to be joyfully connected with loved ones on that special day. If you’re alone for the holidays, and you know this tends to make you depressed and lonely, here are some things you can do to take care of yourself this year.

Give to Your Community by Volunteering

While serving meals to the homeless in a charity dining room is an option, it’s certainly not your only option. And volunteering on the exact holiday date is not your only opportunity to be of service to others. Think outside the box: volunteers are often needed in hospitals, organizations giving holiday parties for disadvantaged children, and even pet adoption centers.

If you have musical talent, consider providing entertainment for residents of assisted living centers or group homes.

You can also organize a “giving circle” at work or with friends and family. Host a drive to collect warm holiday clothing for adults, or invite your friends who are parents of young children to donate old toys and out-grown clothing items and kid gear, such as car seats, play pens and baby carriers.

Do What You Love

Create your own film festival – the best movies of the year, those slated for Oscar nominations, are usually released toward the end of the year, and most large movie theaters stay open on holiday days.

Attend a church service, especially if the church goes out of its way to celebrate with choral music or activities focused on children in the congregation.

Treat yourself! Curl up with that good book you haven’t had time to read. Find a local restaurant that is open on the holiday, and take yourself out for a holiday meal. Hint: restaurants in large hotels are open every day of the year and may even offer a special holiday meal.

If you enjoy entertaining, play host to friends or coworkers who are spending their holiday solo. Organize a pot luck supper and a gift exchange.

Be Responsible for Your Feelings

Being “lonely” and being “alone” are two very different things. Often our self-pity buttons get pressed simply because we have unrealistic expectations or because we make up that everyone else is having a great time and then make comparisons.

Keep in mind that loneliness is very often a pattern of feeling states set up early in childhood. In spite of how it may seem, feeling lonely is not necessarily the result of simply being alone. While circumstances can be triggering, where we go emotionally once we’re triggered is definitely a choice. When self-pity beckons, recognize that feeling blue is a pattern that can often be altered by taking responsibility and breaking the behavior patterns that lead to that state. Once you own that your feelings are self-generated, it’s much easier feel empowered to do something to counteract them.

Whatever you do, don’t wait until the day is upon you.

Instead, have a plan!

Filed Under: Life, Service to Others Tagged With: Awareness, Emotions, Painful emotions

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