• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Jennie Marlow

Coaching for intelligent, aware people who want to live deeply fulfilling lives

  • Home
  • Life and Relationship Coaching
  • Coaching for Entrepreneurs
  • About
  • Blog
  • Contact

One Simple Thing You Can Do Right Now

September 27, 2014 By Jennie Marlow Leave a Comment

In a conversation with a prospective client, I was asked this question: “What is one simple thing I can do right now to feel more on track?” My answer was, “Stop fixating on the goal, and start focusing on the essence you want from achieving that objective.”

“By essence, you mean, the emotion I want to feel, right?” she asked. Well, not exactly.

The word feeling has some interesting definitions. According to the Oxford Dictionary, there are three applicable definitions:  an emotional reaction; a strong emotion; a belief, especially a vague or irrational one. (Yes, this last one definitely got my attention!) Essence is none of these things, because none of these things is inextricably tied to our fulfillment.

Spotted Eagle describes essence this way: “Essence is a feeling state that comes about naturally when we feel deeply fulfilled by something present in our lives.”

The key difference is that essence is the feeling we long for in our hearts when our desire for something is truly authentic. Essence can be universal, such as the desire for joy, creativity and ease. Or it can be linked to a circumstance, such as serenity, freedom, fun or unconditional love.

The point is, essence determines whether or not an outcome we are pursuing results in the the fulfillment we want to receive from having that outcome occur. If the essence is there, we feel successful, peaceful and deeply satisfied. If essence is not there, the outcome can work out exactly as we planned, but it disappoints and frustrates us because it doesn’t give us what we want at a heart level. This can leave us wondering, “Is that all there is?” Or worse, a lack of essence can turn the outcome into an unsupportable burden.

The one simple thing I told this individual to do right now is to start identifying the essence of her desire before she launches into the full-on pursuit of an outcome. Once she identifies the essence, she might see that her desired outcome is actually skewed by fear, neediness or ego, and then be able to make a more essence-rich choice. In any case, by focusing on essence, she offers herself an unparalleled opportunity to explore other outcomes that might deliver the experience of essence she really wants in her heart of hearts.

The one thing she can do right now is to seek essence in small ways every day and discover an immediate increase her level of fulfillment. As a daily practice, essence can then guide her efforts toward all of her goals and help to ensure that what results actually fills the fulfillment bill.

Essence Words

Filed Under: Life Tagged With: Authenticity, Joy, Spotted Eagle

What a Vulture Can Teach Us About Bliss

August 24, 2014 By Jennie Marlow Leave a Comment

It’s always fascinating to see what immature birds are up to this time of year. So, when a young vulture took an interest in an old tarp that covers our pile of kindling, I couldn’t help but notice.

This juvenile, fresh out of the nest, has clearly acquired some knowledge about how his kind feed themselves, but he is still rather ignorant of key truths about food. This has encouraged him to go where food isn’t, namely a tarp.

Clearly, he has watched his parents scavenge his meals from dead animal carcasses. As you watch him, you might notice that our tarp bears some resemblance, in form, to an animal hide. And he is making an admirable effort to peck his way through it.

https://jenniemarlow.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/vultureclip.mp4

Ignorance is like that. It’s that familiar condition of partial understanding which leads to misplaced energy and effort. The mind declares, “Eureka! I have found it!” (Whatever “it” happens to be at the time.) And so we excitedly pour energy into the endeavor, misdirected by our excitement and bliss to a disappointing conclusion.

The truth is, ignorance is bliss only while we are projecting that our efforts will lead us to what we think we want. And here’s the irony: rather than growing and learning from our disappointing results, we tend to keep chasing bliss instead.

Now, eventually this not-so-little fellow moved on, presumably driven by hunger. However, I suspect he did not engage in what a human might do, and that is to beat himself up when his efforts did not come to fruition. He very likely learned a thing or two instead.

Filed Under: Life Tagged With: Authenticity, Joy, Spotted Eagle

Does Self-Reflection Improve Executive Performance?

June 28, 2014 By Jennie Marlow Leave a Comment

self-refelctionIn an environment driven by profits and stock value, taking pause to self-reflect is unlikely to be an executive’s highest priority. It is often not until a personal crisis erupts that we’re willing to pause and assess where we are personally and examine what is needed to move forward.

When I was invited to blog on LinkedIn, I took a tour of the business blogosphere to see what the experts had to say about self-reflection. I suppose it wasn’t surprising that Harvard School of Business thinks executive self-reflection is about improving performance and that it ought to be focused on corporate objectives and whether or not one is communicating a clear vision for the company. Other experts suggested so-called self-reflective questions like: “Am I meeting expectations?” Or, “What else could I be doing that no one else can do?” And my favorite, “How do others perceive my performance?”

The irony is, after years of relentlessly pursuing company goals, a leader, whether corporate exec or entrepreneur, can feel untethered from his or her authentic self, anxious and stretched thin but unable to identify the source. When this happens, there will be little encouragement to go inward, but go inward one must or a personal crisis will be the inevitable outcome.

True self-reflection is personal, regardless of our role in the world. It takes courage and discipline to pause and take stock of ourselves. However, the most meaningful self-reflection is not an exercise in evaluating, judging or tabulating our mistakes and conquests, or in gauging how we are perceived. Instead it measures something intangible yet vitally important to our personal well-being, and that is do we feel fulfilled? And if not, why not?

If we aren’t feeling fulfilled, I guarantee that self-reflection of the personal kind will uncover the gap and that it lies in what is missing at the heart level. I don’t care how driven we are to succeed materially, life is a feeling experience, and our quality of life is measured by how fulfilled we feel. If there is a gap, it will surely be defined by the feeling experience our endeavors have failed to deliver.

Fulfillment may be a luxury of the successful. Once we are no longer fighting to survive, we cannot help but crave joy, creativity and ease from our investment of energy, indeed our life force. Perhaps this is the reason statistics prove that, at a certain point now determined to be an income of $100,000 per year, more money and status do not make us any happier.

I suspect that fulfillment is elusive simply because it doesn’t tend to rank well on our priorities list when we’re engaged in the business of running a business. We tend to treat fulfillment as something that will happen to us later, when we’ve achieved a great business goal. This is pure fallacy.

Self-reflection of the personal kind is a business necessity, in my view. Without it, we will eventually become rudderless ourselves and thereby unable to provide guidance and direction to those who count on us for leadership.

Perhaps more to the point, if we fail to attend to our fulfillment while we focus on our material performance, we will burn through our time on the Earth and arrive at life’s end without much more than all that stuff we know we cannot take with us.

This post originally appeared on LinkedIn.

Filed Under: Life, Money Tagged With: Authenticity, Awareness, Business, Self-reflection

The Surprising Truth About Stress

March 1, 2014 By Jennie Marlow Leave a Comment

Wants-vs-Needs“I know it’s a big, DUH!” a good friend once said. “There is almost no stress when I am perceiving my own needs clearly and in balance with the needs of others.” It was so well-put, I feel compelled to share it, along with a little commentary on why this is vital to living well during big challenges.

It always amazes me how hard it can be to anchor our attention in the now-moment, even when things are going well. When things go awry, it can seem nothing short of monumental to perceive what is real, without the distortions of past interfering and causing us to go into our stuff. When we’re stressed out, it is such a powerful temptation to feel that others’ problems, wants and desires are more important than meeting our own needs, or conversely, that our own wants and desires matter most. It’s also very confusing sometimes to distinguish between needing to take good care of ourselves and just wanting what we want when we want it.

The truth is, the only basis we have to perceive things in an authentic way is to bring our attention back to the now-moment. When the now-moment contains things we wish weren’t there, our resistance tends to rob us of the clarity and presence to face whatever challenge is before us, and to understand what it means to simply “put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others” without self-absorption or undue sacrifice.

Our issues and conditioning certainly rise up when we resist the present moment. And we can surely choose to be stressed and freaked out. However, if we are to take dominion over our lives, a confrontation with our distortions is inevitable.

Seeing our pattern of distortion is fundamental because without owning our patterns, we will be unable to free ourselves to perceive things in an undistorted way, to behave in a manner consistent with basic self-care and consideration for others, and to choose what we would choose if our thinking were not distorted by fear that we can’t be happy unless life is exactly the way we think we want it.

It’s a tall order, but then again, being a human is not spiritual kindergarten. It’s more like a PhD program in how to live your authentic life, in spite of the material plane’s uncertainties and discrepancies with the mind’s expectations.

Filed Under: Life, Service to Others Tagged With: Authenticity, Present moment, Self-sacrifice

Inspiration from an Outcast Ancestor

February 8, 2014 By Jennie Marlow Leave a Comment

Pistol-Packin-MamaExtraordinary people come in very unexpected packages, and my Great Aunt May was no exception. She was the notorious black sheep of the family, known for cussing, smoking cigarettes, drinking whiskey and living down by the railroad tracks that ran through the small Midwestern mining town of Madrid, Iowa.

A photographer who was passing through on his way to Des Moines once approached her to model for a poster for the soon-to-be hit song, “Pistol Packin’ Mama” by Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters. We’re told she gave him a face-full and threw him out of the restaurant where she worked as a waitress.

I never knew my Aunt May. What I know of her comes from the stories my mother’s family handed down. I have always found it so intriguing that, even though the ones who tell the story are very attached to their own conventionality, her name is always spoken with a kind of grudging respect, verging on awe.

May Sullivan was sassy, funny and had an explosive temper that would rain hell-fire on anyone who crossed her. According to the family mythology, she didn’t give a “Tinker’s damn” (as my grandmother used to say) about what people thought of her.

I always wondered if that were really true. It’s not rocket science to figure out what it cost her to rebel against small-town, religious and social norms. And while the stories are hilarious, there is something so painful about the unspoken truth, that her rebellion against society was purchased, in large measure, with alcohol.

Still, I love to hear the stories. About the photographer. About the way she gave everyone hell. About how much the children in the family loved her and looked up to her (while their parents couldn’t help themselves but look down on her). She had little dignity, but she had fire and that rare quality of courage that allows one to break the human contract to live in fear of judgment of the tribe. Even though I never knew her, there is something about her I truly miss.

I miss her when I feel I’ve been too frank. I miss her when I feel I am just too damned unorthodox for some people’s taste. I miss her when I swear haphazardly and offend. I miss her when I wish I didn’t give a damn what other people think of me, when in fact, I do. I even miss her when I’ve had one too many glasses of wine and wish I’d had more discipline. And I just miss her willingness to live her life, flying in the face of society’s rules and expectations. These qualities will live on in my borrowed memories of her as inspiration to not take life so seriously and to enjoy a life lived outside what is normal and seemly.

 

This post was originally published in 2010.

Filed Under: Life Tagged With: Authenticity, Fear, Freedom

  • Go to page 1
  • Go to page 2
  • Go to Next Page »

Take Jennie's FREE 14-Day

Fulfillment Challenge!

Take the Challenge!
Follow on Facebook
Follow on Twitter

Blog Search

Categories

  • Consultations
  • Creativity
  • Healing
  • Life
  • Love
  • Money
  • Service to Others

Copyright © 2000 - 2023 Jennie Marlow, All rights reserved.

Conditions of Use Privacy Policy Disclaimer