Intention Archives - Jennie Marlow

Take Advantage of Being Upset

January 11, 2014 By Jennie Marlow Leave a Comment

Many years ago, I had a spiritual teacher who deliberately surrounded himself with people who annoyed and upset him. Finding it more mystifying than mystical, my curiosity finally got the better of me, and I just had to ask him, “Why are you putting yourself through this?”

He smiled a little then said, “I do it to heal my issues with that kind of behavior.”

He went on to explain that his choice was intentional. He knew he could choose only those who soothed him or admired him, or who always treated him with deference. However, his goal was learning not to take anyone’s actions personally. Instead, his intention was to witness the bad behavior of others with presence, neutrality and compassion.

“Well, that sounds very lofty,” I said, “but isn’t there a limit to what we should tolerate?”

He thought about it for a moment, then replied, “Yes, of course, but until you can truly know in your heart that their bad behavior isn’t about you, then you won’t be able to respond appropriately.”

He went on to explain: what we tend to do with behavior that triggers us is to go into our own collection of emotionally-charged issues and start projecting these onto the so-called perpetrator. We make up stories that explain the behavior, and start devising elaborate strategies to avoid a confrontation with whatever truth about ourselves we would prefer to leave unattended. Or we simply run from the discomfort of dealing with another person’s humanness.

No, I wouldn’t recommend my teacher’s approach. (Frankly, life has plenty of opportunities to learn from what triggers us!) However, I did embrace the principle that I could take advantage of being upset as a huge opportunity to work on myself. I couldn’t respond constructively until I had dealt with my own issues about the other’s behavior, and sifted out and discarded the conclusions and stories I had concocted about what was going on in that person’s mind.

This strategy may risk staying in a relationship too long or giving the other more leeway than warranted sometimes, but if it’s a relationship with someone whose closeness I value, I prefer to err on the side of caution and own my reactions and projections before taking action.

Bottom line, it really does “take two to tango,” and until you own your impact on the dynamic between you and the other person, you really do risk needlessly isolating yourself and blaming the other person for the “necessity” of your withdrawal.

I think this quote from my spirit guide, Grandfather White Elk, says it all:

“When you have unresolved issues, a teacher will come into your life to assist you in restoring to wholeness that place in your energy where you have given up your power. This teacher is an emotional trigger.”

Vision & Intention

July 6, 2013 By Jennie Marlow Leave a Comment

In Part One of this series, Spotted Eagle discusses the Principle of Vision, describing how “vision” is different from a goal and how great visionaries see their world.

In Part Two, he discusses how limitation and uncertainty serve our creative vision.

In this post, he describes how limitation, uncertainty, purpose and essence are vital to any intention that has the potential to deliver a fulfilling outcome.

In any now-moment, the universe lays before us only certain potentials and not others, and it also gives every actualizable potential a set of natural limitations. An experienced potter understands this. She realizes that potential outcomes which can fulfill her intention to create something out of clay are not unlimited. The clay is what it is, nothing more or less. Clay, like any material, has certain characteristics that limit what can be actualized from it. This is not a problem for the artisan potter because her imagination does not resist the clay’s natural limitations. She takes these limitations and her own level of skill into account as she cultivates her vision for the finished piece.

The artisan potter also knows, before she begins her work, what purpose she intends the finished piece to serve. While she may have a very clear goal for the finished piece, she also understands that uncertainty will make its own unique and valuable contribution to what results. She won’t know until the door of the kiln opens after firing whether or not the pot is even still intact.

Unlike the artisan potter, a person who is fixed upon his goal for the future will see uncertainty as his enemy and struggle against it in fear that his desire for the outcome will not materialize the way he had imagined. He may invest a great deal of energy and become rigid, striving to achieve his goal. He may eventually achieve it, but very often he arrives at his destination exhausted, only to find the joyfulness he had hoped to receive is not only absent from the process of achieving his goal; it is also absent from the result.

Intention is integral to vision, and if it is to serve our creativity even in creating our lives, it must necessarily take into account purpose, essence, natural limitations and uncertainty: the unforeseen, unanticipated and unimagined. Only vision honors these mysteries. Only vision can dance with the uncertainty through which the evolution of any creation takes shape.

Intention that is flexible enough to respond to real-world challenges has a realistic potential to succeed and result in a fulfilling outcome. When we hold a vision for our lives, like the artisan potter, we know the purpose we intend our vision to fulfill. We know the essences we want to experience. We have made a realistic accounting of our available resources and whatever natural limitations are actually present in the now moment. When our intention is set in this way, vision serves to free the investment of our energy so that it can deliver into our lives an outcome that is in alignment with our purpose and which carries the potential to deliver an experience of the essence qualities that give the result meaning and make it fulfilling.

Are Your Goals Serving You?

June 3, 2013 By Jennie Marlow Leave a Comment

"Attachment to your goals does not allow the flexibility that living in present time demands." − Spotted Eagle

I ran across this quote the other day, and it really gave me pause. I'm realistic enough to know that objectives are necessary and that, without targets to drive a process, our endeavors tend to stagnate or go off track.

That said, goals are a tricky business. While they serve to focus our energy, what are we to do when striving to achieve our goals leads us to suffer? How do we know whether or not to keep going?

Human beings tend to create from a place of avoiding what we fear. When we have only the goal and the fear of not achieving it as our reason for staying the course, we must be willing to abandon our investment in the goal. We must then move with courage toward a new objective, one that is guided by essence, the feeling experience we intended the original goal to deliver.

When a goal delivers suffering, there is an alterative to dogged attachment, and that is to refocus on whatever essence qualities are missing from the material results. Essence words I tend to focus on are: peace, freedom and sustainability. I ask myself, "Is the effort to achieve this goal destroying my peace of mind? Do I feel free to express myself authentically and act from a will that is free of fear? Given the sacrifices required, can I sustain the effort? Do I have the time, energy and resources to do what I set out to do?"

These three essences―peace, freedom and sustainability―are sure to provide me with a litmus test for whether or not to proceed. Because essence defines a trajectory and not a goal, focus on essence is what affords me the needed flexibility that living in present time very often demands.