“I know it’s a big, DUH!” a good friend once said. “There is almost no stress when I am perceiving my own needs clearly and in balance with the needs of others.” It was so well-put, I feel compelled to share it, along with a little commentary on why this is vital to living well during big challenges.
It always amazes me how hard it can be to anchor our attention in the now-moment, even when things are going well. When things go awry, it can seem nothing short of monumental to perceive what is real, without the distortions of past interfering and causing us to go into our stuff. When we’re stressed out, it is such a powerful temptation to feel that others’ problems, wants and desires are more important than meeting our own needs, or conversely, that our own wants and desires matter most. It’s also very confusing sometimes to distinguish between needing to take good care of ourselves and just wanting what we want when we want it.
The truth is, the only basis we have to perceive things in an authentic way is to bring our attention back to the now-moment. When the now-moment contains things we wish weren’t there, our resistance tends to rob us of the clarity and presence to face whatever challenge is before us, and to understand what it means to simply “put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others” without self-absorption or undue sacrifice.
Our issues and conditioning certainly rise up when we resist the present moment. And we can surely choose to be stressed and freaked out. However, if we are to take dominion over our lives, a confrontation with our distortions is inevitable.
Seeing our pattern of distortion is fundamental because without owning our patterns, we will be unable to free ourselves to perceive things in an undistorted way, to behave in a manner consistent with basic self-care and consideration for others, and to choose what we would choose if our thinking were not distorted by fear that we can’t be happy unless life is exactly the way we think we want it.
It’s a tall order, but then again, being a human is not spiritual kindergarten. It’s more like a PhD program in how to live your authentic life, in spite of the material plane’s uncertainties and discrepancies with the mind’s expectations.
Life is truly a feeling experience, and our quality of life depends utterly upon how we feel about it. But are our feeling states reliable indicators of what is objectively true? The short answer is, probably not.
In any now-moment, the universe lays before us only certain potentials and not others, and it also gives every actualizable potential a set of natural limitations. An experienced potter understands this. She realizes that potential outcomes which can fulfill her intention to create something out of clay are not unlimited. The clay is what it is, nothing more or less. Clay, like any material, has certain characteristics that limit what can be actualized from it. This is not a problem for the artisan potter because her imagination does not resist the clay’s natural limitations. She takes these limitations and her own level of skill into account as she cultivates her vision for the finished piece.
“An imaginary picture of a future outcome is not a vision; it is a fantasy, an illusion, and a very seductive one. It causes us to believe in the futures we conjure in the imagination. This is not vision. Vision is not about envisioning the future. Vision does not foretell; it does not predict the form the future will take or what the outcome of an endeavor will be. Vision is not a fantasy of an event or circumstances we can picture in our imagination. Vision is none of these things. It is not empowered by what we hope will happen in future time. Vision refers, not to fantasy we make up in the imagination, but instead to the manner in which something is seen.”